


to all the boys he loved before

by dal_segno



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Middle School, Author Projecting onto Minhyun (NU'EST), Best Friends, Blushing, Boys In Love, Childhood Friends, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Crushes, Falling In Love, Falling out, Fluff, Hwang Minhyun-centric, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, Love Letters, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Self-Discovery, Valentine's Day, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29153868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dal_segno/pseuds/dal_segno
Summary: To the four boys Minhyun fell in love with in his youth: The one who smelled of the sea and reeked of intelligence; the one whose smiles were as bright as the sun; the one who was the sweetest thing;And the one who vowed to love Minhyun until the end of time.
Relationships: Choi Minki | Ren & Hwang Minhyun, Choi Minki | Ren/Hwang Minhyun, Hwang Minhyun & Aaron Kwak | Aron, Hwang Minhyun & Kang Dongho | Baekho, Hwang Minhyun & Kim Jonghyun | JR, Hwang Minhyun/Aaron Kwak | Aron, Hwang Minhyun/Kang Dongho | Baekho, Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	1. the habitual words that i used to yearn and call for you.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy February! I was supposed to publish this fic on the fourteeth but I accidentally clicked the publish button... As such, I'll reveal the remaining half of this Valentine's fic on Valentine's Day instead. I know the title is uncreative but I hope you enjoy nevertheless.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyun figures he might like guys. And ONLY guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a modified lyric from Seventeen's Habit.

The one who smelled of the sea and reeked of intelligence.

  
He was Minhyun’s first love. Could— could he call it a first love? Minhyun could never understand where he stood with Jonghyun, as far as romantic feelings were concerned. Then again, Minhyun was young and couldn’t distinguish his attraction unless it slapped him right in the face.

Anyways. Yeah, Jonghyun Kim. “First love”, or so they call it. Minhyun likes to muse over what happened, and what could’ve happened between them. It brings him nothing but a twisted feeling seated deep in his chest that he’s never been able to shake off entirely, but he doesn’t stop doing it either.

Minhyun first met Jonghyun in middle school. Year six, and they were both eleven, holding hope as large as the galaxy in their shiny little eyes. Should memory serve him right, Minhyun remembers getting introduced to everyone in the class on the first day back and seeing a small boy at the back of the room, focused on not getting noticed. Minhyun never asked or bothered, but he could feel something for the boy. Curiosity perhaps. Maybe something else entirely. He didn’t bother with that either: the world was huge and Minhyun didn’t care enough to understand his own feelings.

_Later_ , he always told himself. _I’ll understand when I’m older._

The two didn’t actually acquaint themselves with each other until two weeks into the new school year. For an extracurricular class. 

Staying back for an extracurricular activity was always fun, and it meant that the school thought you were smart. At least it seemed that way to Minhyun. For all the praises and nagging from his parents, he knew he was smart— smart enough to get high grades with minimal studying and top his class, no, entire _year_ with no problem.

So it made sense why Minhyun was staying back with a bunch of older kids for extra classes. A workshop, or so they called it. The teacher, whose name Minhyun can’t recall, said that they were chosen to represent the school’s writing and poetry team. That is, if they could pass the preliminary rounds and show their potential. 

Confident in his abilities as a writer, Minhyun grinned from ear to ear in his seat. Sure he wasn’t the best out there, but he knew his capabilities, his _talent_. How else did writing that short story in the entrance exam two years back come so easily to him, despite Minhyun never having written anything prior to it?

Enthusiastically answering questions in typical Minhyun fashion, he found his chest ridding itself of the initial nervousness he felt in the beginning. Any worries on how he’ll write a short passage quickly flew out the window too: the words flowed as easily as water onto the paper.

Then the worries came back when he had to switch stories with a person from the other desk. Minhyun never dealt well with criticism; even the thought that someone wouldn’t like what he made hurt a lot. Still, he swallowed his pride and stucka sweet smile on his lips, hoping his peer won’t grade him _too_ badly.

It’s then that he noticed that his peer-checker was the quiet, black-haired boy from his class. The boy said nothing, but according to his notebook, his name was Jonghyun Kim. Minhyun’s brain raced to piece together some Korean to greet the other boy.

"최선을 다하자!" _Let’s do our best!_

Jonghyun only rolled his eyes before going on to check Minhyun’s paper.

Minhyun wondered why he didn’t feel scared, since Jonghyun felt like the type to grade things by the book and not give any leeway. He eventually shrugged it off, happily nitpicking his seatmate’s atrocious work with a smile on his face.

It’s only when Minhyun’s sandwiched next to Jonghyun in a crappy, tiny bus that the two exchanged a full-blown conversation. Names were said, interests were mocked, and the fluttering feeling kept growing in Minhyun’s chest. He was almost sad to see his newfound friend hop off the bus and walk home.

Well, Minhyun knew they’d see each other many more times from now on, so he didn’t feel _too_ sad about the other boy waving goodbye. He went home that day with a light heart and a mouth prattling off everything about his new friend to his poor mother.

If only he knew what falling in love at first-sight meant for him.

No, not the straight, typical, _obvious_ kind. The queer, surprising, quiet kind. Minhyun ended up suffocating his poor fox plushie— his favourite one too— as he squealed under the thick blanket that night.

♡♡♡

The two came to fit in each others’ lives quite easily. Everyone said they were inseparable. Attached at the hip. Incomplete without the other. And Minhyun was starting to feel it too. But he never thought much about it, chalking it up to simply adoring his friend a lot.

There hadn’t been a time in his life when he felt like if he didn’t hold onto someone, he wouldn’t know what to do. Jonghyun had become Minhyun’s lifeline so unexpectedly, and he didn’t know how to feel about it. It didn’t help that because Minhyun had to move around so much, he didn’t have any lasting friendships— so how was he supposed to navigate that new feeling? Should he have shoved it down and hoped it’d go away? Minhyun didn’t and doesn’t know, even now.

Two years had passed since their first meeting, and while Minhyun was as happy as he was, he couldn’t help but notice something different. Nothing substantial, because he only really noticed it through text, but it kept nagging at the back of his head.

It started with the less frequent texts from Jonghyun. Then, the conversations between them (both in real life and on their phones) began to dwindle in energy. Soon after, any talk between them was initiated by Minhyun, never Jonghyun. The younger boy thought it was a momentary decline, something that happened because the two of them were stressed from the new school year and whatever it expected from them.

Until it wasn’t.

Jonghyun, oh so wonderful Jonghyun, started avoiding Minhyun. Now, Minhyun could be airheaded at times, and completely _clueless_ at others, but he wasn’t _stupid_ . What did Jonghyun take him for? The two of them were the smartest and best students in their class; Minhyun hated being regarded as an idiot. _Two could play at that game_ , Minhyun mused angrily.

Though, he had to admit, it _was_ a little harsh to snap at Jonghyun at seven in the morning. All their classmates, or at least the ones who just came from their buses, regarded Minhyun with curious looks for a moment, before looking away. A turned cheek came at the expense of Minhyun’s glare, but it worked just fine.

“What,” Jonghyun tiredly spat out. “Minhyun, what do you want?”

In truth, Minhyun himself didn’t know what he wanted. Now that he got Jonghyun’s attention and all the time to ask him, his mind came up blank. Well, one could always start somewhere.

“You’re ignoring me,” Minhyun whined, not caring for how pathetic he looked right now. “Did I do something? You know you can always tell me if I did something wrong, right? I swear I’ll apologise and— yeah.” For Minhyun’s big vocabulary bank, he ended the statement quite poorly. Jonghyun shook his head and looked away.

“You’re fine, don’t worry,” he said. He fidgeted with the hem of his school shirt, silent as he tried to think. Minhyun sat down next to him on the bench. “It’s just…”  
  


“Just…?” Minhyun encouraged when the older’s train of thought failed. He breathed in quite a lot of air, noticing a salty smell coming from Jonghyun. _Pleasant and sweet,_ Minhyun thought. _Just like him._

He’s brought back to his senses when Jonghyun finds the words to say. “I think I like someone.”

Oh. That was it? Minhyun almost laughed right in Jonghyun’s face, though not unkindly. “Jonghyun! Why didn’t you just tell me? I was so worried you hated me or something!” He completely ignored the ugly feeling creeping up in his throat, forcing his words to come out light and airy. Jonghyun exuded a sigh of relief.

“Come on, tell me who the lucky girl is!”

♡♡♡

Minhyun did not like the girl Jonghyun was apparently head-over-heels for one bit. Nothing about her stood out to him; why exactly did Jonghyun like her?

The younger boy had shared a class with her once, and he hated the way she talked. It was annoying and embarrassing to hear, especially in long discussions. Jonghyun was light-years smarter than she ever was, so Minhyun really couldn’t see the appeal.

But Minhyun couldn’t really understand why he was so apprehensive about it either. He reasoned that if the girl Jonghyun liked was actually worthy of Jonghyun’s attention, then Minhyun wouldn’t be annoyed and pissed off every time he saw her. Like the girl from 8-A, she seemed nice; also one of the smartest girls in her class. Or even that one girl from 8-C, the one who was part of a small dancing crew, could’ve been a reasonable choice. But no, Jonghyun just had to choose the one girl that Minhyun would love to punch into some concrete.

As for Minhyun? Hah, he didn’t have anyone he liked at school. The girls— to no fault of their own— didn’t seem all that interesting to him. Sure he liked a couple of girls from the A class, but his feelings were strictly platonic: he couldn’t imagine actually dating a girl. Any of the other girls just seemed pretentious and boring, thus dulling his interest in them even more. 

But he really did like them, he was just probably not super interested in them right now even if he did find himself attracted to them. He recalled an old memory of getting butterflies when a girl he liked gave him a gift for Christmas. That had to mean something, right?

And boys? They were out of the question. Although Minhyun had labeled himself as bisexual (however hastily), he felt nothing for his fellow male classmates. The concept of it was still weird to him, despite his inner coaxings that it was perfectly normal. There was no way he’d like any of his weird classmates, and definitely had no feelings for Jonghyun. It’d be weird— to have feelings for your best friend. Besides, that kind of stuff only happens in dramas!

Still in denial, Minhyun tossed and turned in his bed until he could sleep. All kinds of thoughts flew around his head, not all of them thoughts a kid like him should have thought of.

Minhyun chided himself. It was a problem for the Minhyun of tomorrow, who should be rested and open to new thoughts.

He sighed, and fell into a fitful sleep at last.

♡♡♡

Staring at his phone for the past fifteen minutes while his mom shouted at him to get his butt going wasn’t something Minhyun expected to do the next morning. Quickly screenshotting the message log, Minhyun ran to the elevator while praying that the lift didn’t have too many people or he’d be late.

He caught the bus on time, thankfully, and had less than five minutes to get his brain working in time for Jonghyun to hop on the bus. The texts, all from Jonghyun, had been sent at two in the morning; the time Minhyun finally fell asleep amidst his worries and thoughts. He’s read it more than ten times by now but he couldn’t believe it. Minki nagging him from behind didn’t help him decipher it either.

**@pockyjonghyun**

**jonghyun**

**Active 6 hours ago**

_minhyun_

_i really don’t know how to say this without being awkward_

_and it’s probably gonna come out being awkward anyway_

_but i like(d) you? like a lot and idk how you'd react to it like T^T_

_um i hope this doesnt ruin our friendship or something aaaa_

_i really enjoy your company and i don't wanna lose u_

_you know?_

_woah, that took a LOT off of my chest oof_

_[12:39]_

[TYPE YOUR REPLY…]

Minhyun wanted to rip his hair out. Jonghyun (who at this point has already sat down in his usual seat) liked him…? So did that mean he was…? The word weighed heavy in Minhyun’s mind, unsure of whether he should use it. Not once did Minhyun have qualms about the word; but now it just seemed too heavy to think about.

He forced himself not to think of anything on the way to school.

♡♡♡

At some point in time Minhyun would inevitably have to face Jonghyun head-on.

Didn’t mean he liked it. But it’s Jonghyun, and Minhyun was absolutely determined to keep Jonghyun as a friend. It wasn’t like Jonghyun liked him right now, so what did he have to worry about? He flashed his best friend a full smile and coaxed the other to lighten up.

“You don’t hate me?” Jonghyun eventually asked when the two went out together for recess like they always do. It striked Minhyun odd: there was no conceivable way that Minhyun could ever hate Jonghyun, big puppy eyes and all.

“Of course not,” Minhyun exclaimed happily as he dug into his lunch for today. “I mean we’re both, you know, and I don’t mind when a guy likes me. You’re not the only guy who liked me, Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun looked at him like he grew another head. A few passing students glanced at Minhyun, but kept walking. He keeps talking despite the awkward atmosphere. “And besides! You like Minkyeung, right? Don’t worry about it. Bet you just wanted to get over your old feelings so you could focus on her. I’m keeping my lips sealed, Jonghyun-ah.”

There was an odd weight manifesting in Minhyun’s chest that he couldn’t figure out for the life of him. He mused that he might be sick and his lungs just need to cough out a bit of mucus; nothing too bad. Looking at Jonghyun again, he saw the infatuated look on the other’s face. Minhyun bit down into the rice cake, almost biting down on his bottom lip in the process.

Jonghyun’s next words struck a nerve in Minhyun.

“Yeah, I wish I liked her sooner.” It was simple and innocent, yet Minhyun couldn’t stand hearing them.

He got up from the bench and walked away, spouting some nonsense excuse as he disappeared into the crowd of students. Jonghyun didn’t come after him either, and Minhyun didn’t know why that hurt most. More than Jonghyun’s confession, more than whatever was cracking inside him.

They didn’t talk to each other for the rest of the day.

♡♡♡

There was a massive shift in their dynamics when January started. December had been fine, however annoyed Minhyun was, having to deal with Jonghyun’s lovestruck texts about Minkyeung. It was one part endearing and sweet and one part disgusting and annoying. Still, it was his best friend; he’d never say these things out loud to Jonghyun. But January? Everything wasn’t falling in place like it was supposed to.

The first week after the winter break had students go on two field trips, neither of which were happy ones for Minhyun. His usual partner for trips like this was Jonghyun, who was nowhere to be seen when the time came to line up with partners. Right in the front was where Jonghyun was, clinging to Minki and laughing freely. Minhyun didn’t want to look like he was alone or abandoned, but practically everyone else in the class had a partner. And he just happened to be the odd one out in his class of twenty-seven.

His ears and face were sure to burn a bright red as he trailed behind the rest of his class. Miss Jinah, his class teacher, looked at him with eyes full of pity. He would’ve just stayed at home if he knew this would’ve happened.

At least his best friends from class 8-D came to his rescue. Dongho, Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua swept Minhyun up into their arms, completely unaware of his inner turmoil and how much he wanted to cry.

Hwang Minhyun made it a point to smile until his cheeks hurt all throughout the trip and back.

♡♡♡

There came a time where the two best friends, once inseparable, stopped talking to each other. No more snarky references were thrown across the classroom. No more nerds contending for the teacher’s attention. Nothing.

It hurt, of course. Losing someone you considered a very close friend wasn’t ever pretty or easy. Especially if that very person was someone you liked beyond the barriers of friendship. 

The few times Minhyun had tried to rekindle their friendship ended in dry conversations and an awkwardness reserved for total strangers. Since then, he’s dropped it, not bothering to go back to Jonghyun when he can help it. They’ve kept their distance in class too, and everyone noticed.

Teachers stopped asking for them to work together in groups. Their classmates said nothing but understood enough. Minhyun wasn’t sure whether to be offended or thankful. He kept quiet in the end, not wanting to draw more attention to himself than necessary.

And it was quite jarring to see their roles getting reversed. Whereas Minhyun became more quiet and reserved, Jonghyun became the weird, loud class clown.

They never quite got the closure they wanted (or Minhyun wanted, if Jonghyun didn’t need it) but Minhyun has no choice but to move on. First loves are hard, they say. Minhyun knows that very intimately. He’s thankful for having met Jonghyun of course, even if it hurts to be on ambiguous terms with him.

After all, Jonghyun _did_ contribute to Minhyun’s growth and his next love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very personal to me and its events are written after what happened with my friend and I IRL. Hopefully she never reads this (because it'd be awkward), but welcome to everyone else who gives this fic a chance! Some bits here and there were exaggerated for the ~drama~, but otherwise stay true to how I met my friend and didn't even notice I liked her. We never did get back to what we used to be but I guess our experiences fueled my inspiration for this fic. I do hope you enjoyed it!


	2. i'm curious about something— how are you so pretty?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyun thinks feelings are confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to one of my closest friends; AKA the girl I had a crush on for, like, a month because I was really confused. Also the friend who happened to star in this fic as Minki Choi. Love you always!
> 
> Title is from Seventeen's Very Nice!

The one whose smiles were as bright as the sun.

He was Minhyun’s second love. More of a platonic love than Jonghyun had been, but Minhyun liked Minki nevertheless.

Minhyun’s feelings for Minki were confusing, but certainly not as confusing as his feelings for Jonghyun. The line between friendship and romance was blurry when it came to Minki, but distinguishable enough for Minhyun to know what he felt after a while. As a result, this story is much shorter than the one concerning Jonghyun.

It was so easy to fall for Minki, with his charms and energy. He radiated sunshine and love with every action he did, even if it wasn’t particularly amazing. Minki on his own was  _ stunning _ and fierce. Anything he did captured Minhyun’s attention with very little effort.

Minki was everything Minhyun wanted to be. Loveable, open, and kind-hearted. Though Minki hadn’t been one of the top students in their class, his personality and emotional intelligence greatly outweighed Minhyun’s, much to his chagrin on the matter. Choi lived life easily, as though simply flowing with the current to wherever he ended up. Because of that, he had an easy-going nature that enticed everyone to be friends with him.

But Minki wasn’t  _ all _ sunshine and rainbows. He could be downright  _ devious _ when it came to things he was passionate about and would not hesitate to show new sides of himself when he could. Some people found it terrifying, but Minhyun found it endearing and only increased his attraction to the other boy ten-fold.

Like the one time the class decided to have a whole debate on a variety of topics. It had been a free period since their science teacher called in sick that day, and everyone was buzzing to contend with each other about whatever. While Minhyun joined the discussion many times, he noticed that Minki could give less of a shit about what went on.

Unless, of course, the conversation had to do with one of three of Minki’s self-proclaimed specialities. One, drag. Two, anything queer. Three, Lady Gaga. You could argue that all three of these interests are basically the same thing— if you wanted to talk to a wall who could break your hand in one twist.

A class full of teenage boys was rarely a good thing, but a class of  _ homophobic  _ and  _ ignorant  _ teenage boys was so, so much worse. And Minki had a lot to say about their ugly views. So much, in fact, that he nearly went to the guidance counselor for threatening to beat the lights out of a particularly nasty classmate. How he got out of a suspension with minimal scolding was beyond Minhyun. Meanwhile their classmate got suspended for a good two weeks for hate speech and discrimination. Quite impressive for a school that prided itself on its religious values, which probably had to grant the suspension with gritted teeth.

Needless to say, Minki couldn’t stop smirking at everyone who dared challenge him in a battle they can’t win. Minhyun just fell harder.

Of course he did; Minhyun fell for just about any pretty boy who gave an inkling of a shit about him.

In the wake of Jonghyun’s departure from Minhyun’s heart, Minki had noticed the changes when no one else had. Sullen and brooding had never been adjectives used to describe the oddity that was Minhyun— until after January. He’d given Minhyun space in case he was angry before coming to realise that Minhyun needed as many hugs and words of assurance as humanly possible. Space didn’t work for Minhyun so well. In fact, if he was left alone to his own devices and thoughts, there was a high chance he might just bash his head into the pale walls out of boredom.

Luckily that didn’t happen.

It took a while for Minhyun to get over his damn feelings, but the border between platonic and romantic feelings for Minki had blurred halfway through. He couldn’t understand if he liked Minki because he’d been there for Minhyun when no one was, or if he liked Minki genuinely for who he was. Minhyun eventually came to the conclusion that it was both, but couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit guilty about it.

But Minki was perceptive, so it didn’t take long before he knew something was up. Having no other choice, Minhyun decided to tell him that he liked him, but wasn’t entirely sure why. He almost expected the other to have an uncomfortable look on his face after the confession; only to be proven wrong when Minki, bless his soul, merely smiled and held out a hand to Minhyun. It wasn’t until then that Minhyun realized he fell to the ground, and sheepishly took Minki’s hand.

“You sooo weren’t slick,” Minki said to a very red Minhyun. “Seriously, would it kill you to tone it down, gay boy?”

Minhyun laughed, embarrassment coating every sound. “Guess I just suck at these kinds of things, huh?”

“Nah, you just need practice and a little confidence, Hyun.”

When with Minki, always be skeptical. Minhyun learned that the hard way two years ago, and he began to suspect something from the younger boy. The smirk on his face screamed devilish intent.

“Now let’s get you to the person you  _ actually _ like, Hyun! Don’t look at me like that—” Minhyun stopped glaring at Minki’s request. “—I’m totally wingman-ing you! You probably just confused your feelings for me with someone else! Now…”

Minhyun felt part of his soul depart from his body that day.

♡♡♡

As with a lot of things concerning Minki, he was right. Right about Minhyun confusing his feelings with lots of over things.

But this? Was a little too much.

On any normal day, Minhyun would’ve loved to sit around with Minki and blab on and on about his small love life. However, this interrogation on the floor of Minki’s room, surrounded by a court of plush toys all looking as if they could convict him of a crime, might have been too much for Minhyun.

True to his word, Minki grilled Minhyun endlessly for any drop of tea. Hours later and three bags of chips, Minki miraculously narrowed down Minhyun’s potential love interest to one person.

Problem was, he absolutely  _ refused _ to tell Minhyun who it was. So for all Minhyun’s effort, he was going to get  _ nothing _ out of it, all because of Minki’s twisted sense of humour. He hadn’t even told Minhyun why he wouldn’t tell him, besides some measly excuse that he’ll find out about it anyway.

Well, Minki was right about that at the very least

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are wack! I'm grateful I have friends I can talk to about my gay-ass feelings without having to worry about judgement. This chapter had a lot of stuff that didn't happen in real life, but I added them for fun. Thank you for reading this chapter too!


	3. oh, now i know that you're the sweetest thing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyun Gay Panics (TM) as February comes closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! RIP to the last chapter because I didn't have enough time to finish it but here's the closing chapter to Minhyun's school days! I dedicate this chapter to one of my best friends (ahem, the real-life inspiration for Dongho, ahem). Love you always, you hag.
> 
> I hope everyone's safe and sound with their loved ones today~ Without further ado, happy reading! (Title is from Seventeen's Sweetest Thing.)

The one who was the sweetest thing.

He was Minhyun’s third love. One who came into Minhyun’s heart without so much as a warning. The one whose sweet smiles made Minhyun keep falling every time he looked at him.

Quite funnily, Minhyun’s feelings for Dongho weren’t so confusing as the other two. By that point Minhyun already sorted out most of his feelings and put names to them. Most fell under certain categories and fit snugly into little boxes, while others were fuzzy and confusing for the time being. No matter— Minhyun had all his youth and beyond to learn all about himself.

Dongho was one of Minhyun’s best friends from the other class, along with Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua. The five of them have spent their summers together since coming to know each other when they were nine. Whether playing games or simply lounging in front of the air conditioning, they were their own little found family. Minhyun loved each of them like a brother, however annoyed he may feel when one of them pulled stupid pranks here and there.

And it had stayed that way, until two years later, of course.

It started when Minhyun let his train of thought wander across the tracks. The winter holidays just ended and he really didn’t want to go to school again. Sure his friend group would be there to save him from boredom during break time, but he’d be tired and lonely for the remaining eight hours of school in his own class. Minki and Wonwoo were fun, yet they could only do so much with their seats on the other side of the class.

That left Minhyun frustrated and annoyed. If only one of them was in his class, he wouldn’t be so salty about it. This then begged the question of which of the four Minhyun would love to be classmates with. There weren’t a lot of them, so Minhyun supposed he could do a little game of elimination to see who he’d rather end up with.

Let’s see. Seungcheol. The softest of the four, and least likely to stir up trouble. But he’d use every opportunity to flex his rapping skills— that weren’t even good, at least to Minhyun— right in Minhyun’s face, knowing full well that he hated not being able to rap as well as he could. 

Besides, Seungcheol  _ reeks _ of cherries, and while Minhyun wouldn’t mind it on any other day, he’d rather not share a class with someone doused in cherries for eight hours of school. He loved Cheol, he really did, but cherries weren’t really Minhyun’s thing.

Next up was Jeonghan. Minhyun felt his heart drop at the thought of another devil in his class. Minki was enough, thank you very much. He didn’t need the so-called “angel twins” (or demon twins, according to Minhyun) hovering over him, pestering him for homework answers when they couldn’t be bothered to do it themselves. Though Jeonghan could certainly save him from the eyesore most of his classmates brought him, Minhyun would rather that Jeonghan stay where he was. Minhyun couldn’t be outshined by another pretty boy like Jeonghan; Minki and Wonwoo were already pushing it.

Minhyun had considered Joshua, for his sweetness and volume compared to the other two. But he stopped short of it: knowing Joshua (or  _ Jisoo _ , though it was much easier to call him Joshua so people wouldn’t get confused with the other Jisoo), he wouldn’t hesitate to expose Minhyun’s ass to his class. There’s been enough things Minhyun has done that his classmates know, never mind the things that they  _ don’t  _ know. They’d bully him until he’s old and wrinkly; a big fat  _ no  _ goes to Shua then.

Then that left… Dongho. Minhyun’s hands stopped running through his hair at the thought of Dongho being classmates with him. He also noticed that his hands were shiny with a thin coating of sweat reflecting the sun’s light. Dongho wasn’t so bad, but there was a quiet voice at the back of his head practically  _ screaming  _ all sorts of excuses why he couldn’t be in a class with Dongho. All of them circulated back to a singular worry.

_ You’ll embarrass yourself in front of him _ , Minhyun’s brain supplied.

  
That wouldn’t be a problem, seeing as how Dongho’s already seen Minhyun at his most stupid moments. And he still stuck with Minhyun’s weird ass through the years in spite of it! What’s Minhyun got to worry about? He could totally impress Dongho no problem! But that brought up the question of why he even wanted to impress the other boy so badly. Friends stuck with you even if you’re stupid and totally not cool. Crushes on the other hand…

Minhyun froze. His ears started to burn, which meant that his face did too. He brought a hand to his cheek and felt the skin heat up under the cool touch.

Ah, so  _ this _ was what Minki was talking about.

Minhyun buried his face into the soft pillow, not looking up until his older sister called him for dinner.

-

_ Oh shit,  _ Minhyun thought to himself.  _ It’s February already _ .

The realisation is crystal clear in Minhyun’s mind. Any other year and he wouldn’t have thought so much about a fucking  _ month _ . But this year isn’t just any other year. As stupid as it sounded, Minhyun really wanted to do something for someone (besides his family and friends) this year. Preferably finding the courage to ask his crush to be his valentine and maybe, just maybe, giving them a love letter because Minhyun probably won’t be able to say anything to their face. He could hold it off until next February, if it wasn’t for Minki practically glaring at him for just suggesting it.

Okay, fine. Minhyun was going to do it, with varying levels of confidence as the fourteenth grew closer each day.

The first week of February flew by in a blink, leaving Minhyun with no time to even start his Valentine’s letter. It’s filled with stacks of homework all due the next day after they were assigned because his teachers loved to torture them for fun. The only thing Minhyun could do was steal a few pieces (or a whole stack) of good letter paper and a little canister of glitter from the art room. He didn’t even know what to write for his crush, let alone how to decorate the letter without seeming flippant or overbearing.

He wouldn’t dare consult anyone else about it either: Minki had a knack of overusing glitter; JeongCheolShua would endlessly tease him and probably reveal the secret accidentally; Wonwoo had a strong dislike of arts and crafts; and his parents would cry if they knew that their son liked boys. That left two possible options— his older sister, Sujin, or his internet friends. Neither seemed all that nice, but at least Sujin could cover for him in the event that he got caught.

Minhyun felt a little bad for having to hog his sister’s journaling supplies, but she brushed his concerns off. Said something about how she wouldn’t be able to use all of it anyway so she didn’t mind. 

When Minhyun tried to be stingy on the lace Sujin used to tie the bundle of envelopes together, he ended up with lace binding his own mouth, much to Sujin’s twisted delight. She eventually released him from the lace shackles, but not without a warning.

“Jin,” Minhyun whined when his mouth could move again, “You don’t have to go all out. It’s just a stupid love letter for my stupid crush.”

“It’s not  _ stupid _ , Minhyun.” His sister’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “Plus, you asked me for help, and I’m practically hard-carrying this entire thing on my back. Can’t have your first crush get a shitty letter, now can we?” She wiggled her eyebrows to her brother on the floor. Looking up at her, Minhyun figured he should get her facts straight.

“He’s not the first one, Jin.” Sujin had the decency to look a little surprised for a second, just before she beamed a soft smile at him. If Minhyun’s face wasn’t red before, it would surely be red now.

She stuck on one last sticker onto a cream-coloured envelope. “I’m beginning to wonder why you haven’t told me  _ anything _ , Hyunnie. You wound your poor sister.”

With that, a little weight seemed to lift off of Minhyun’s chest. He brought a hand to his eyes to dry his eyes under the guise of fixing his hair, to no avail. “Y-you’re not mad?” He hated how small his voice trembles with fear. He wasn’t like this when he told his friends— so why now?

“No, never,” she said firmly in the silence of their shared room, pulling Minhyun close. His lanky legs struggled to find their place next to hers. “I’m here for you, you hear me?”

Minhyun only nodded with a lopsided smile.

He could breathe a little more now with her by his side.

-

The bus ride to school on the fourteenth was filled with a little more energy than usual. Everyone seemed to be chattering with bright smiles (or fond eye rolls) all the way. On any normal February of any other year, Minhyun would make faces of fake-disgust at the younger kids who decided they must marry their beloved for their stash of gummy bears. 

But again, this wasn’t just some month of any other year: Minhyun was on a mission to try to confess his feelings without exploding into little bits and pieces of himself.

Minki, who had an infuriating all-knowing smirk on his pretty face, prodded Minhyun for answers. Times like this, Minhyun wondered why he ever agreed to Minki sitting right behind him. Still, Minhyun kept his mouth shut, even if his ears betrayed his resolve. Minki’s squeals are heard all through the bus, and literally everyone (yes,  _ everyone _ — including Jonghyun, who sat in front of him) stared at the pair with curious eyes. 

Jonghyun’s shiny eyes twinkled with curiosity at Minhyun’s predicament. Then he seemed to remember that the two of them weren’t exactly best of friends anymore, so he sheepishly turned to the front. The younger boy paid him little mind— too focused on trying to get Minki’s sonic screams to quiet down with little result.

Minhyun could only groan and endure the endless chiding of the staff and teachers a few rows to his left.

Well, that was a  _ great _ start to his Valentine’s.

-

When the bus stopped at the school’s gates after what felt like an eternity, Minhyun made a mad dash for the doors, desperate to escape the stares and snickers as quickly as possible. He bumped into someone on the way out, but could care less for the victim. Although, he was positive it was Jonghyun with the soft whine he heard— but it could’ve been the wind rushing in his ears for all he knew.

Besides, Minhyun had much more pressing matters on hand than  _ Jonghyun _ of all people.

He came to a slow jog when he arrived at the bench. Not just any bench:  _ the  _ bench Minhyun and his friends sat at every recess. Dongho greeted him with his usual gummy smile and cheerful wave while the other three hollered at his entrance. Minhyun stuck a tongue out in playfulness, receiving three childish glares his way. The three went off to who-knows-where to let the two have their own little moment.

Minhyun made a mental note to give them three of the biggest chocolate bars he had on him. A cherry one for Seungcheol, dark chocolate for Jeonghan, and cookies-and-cream for Joshua. They’d love it.

Now onto more important issues.

Namely, Dongho Kang looking up at Minhyun through long lashes as if it didn’t make Minhyun’s heart fly to his throat. He couldn’t do this, not with Dongho looking so innocent and pretty that it was just so unfair.

Fortunately, Minhyun swallowed his heart down and bowed with arms stretched out for Dongho to receive the letters. He stood tall once again after roughly shoving the small parcel into the older boy’s hands, intent on looking like nothing had happened between them. In hindsight, Minhyun should have chosen a better time to confess without having others’ eyes on them. Not everyone took kindly to those who were different here after all. 

The students were fine, but the teachers were a whole other story; to be brief, they weren’t so open-minded as their students. Minhyun barely registered the oohs and aahs of passing students before Dongho’s toothy smile broke him out of his thoughts.

And before he knew it, Minhyun was dragged off to his classroom upstairs with Dongho’s crazy strength.

His heart plummeted to the depths of his stomach. Rejection had been one of the possible scenarios Minhyun had prepared himself for, but never has the possibility sunk in any better than it has now. A small whimper escaped his lips involuntarily.

The cold, dim classroom greeted Minhyun, empty except for the two of them. A beam of sunshine slipped through the blinds, falling on Dongho’s smooth face. It illuminated the boy’s already cheery demeanour, though it did little to reassure Minhyun’s feelings if at all.

Dongho looked at Minhyun as if figuring out the best way to carry out whatever plan he had in mind. Minhyun’s fox eyes flew between Dongho and the door, calculating how quickly he could make an escape in case his feelings got stomped down. His brain ran through a list of apologies and reassurances for Dongho. Needless to say, he didn’t get too far.

Soft lips on his were enough to stop Minhyun from bolting to the door. Then as soon as they came, they pulled away.

A moment passed, then another. Minhyun bit his tongue to stop himself from cursing to Dongho, who might misunderstand it as him hating what happened. The butterflies in his stomach suddenly grew larger and fluttered around with huge wings. They all collided against each other, not knowing where to go in a place that’s become too small to contain them.

“I-I’m sorry,” Dongho stuttered out, “I didn’t know it made you uncomforta—”

Minhyun’s quite fed up with words at this point. He grabbed Dongho by his sweater’s collar, hoping that this would convey everything that couldn’t be described with words.

Dongho, to Minhyun’s unmasked delight, smiled against the other’s lips.

-

Dongho was the definition of everything cute and sweet. Minhyun could never resist a smile when Dongho did anything. Kang, for all his intimidating aura, was a softie at heart. He’d always sing sweetly for little children even if they thought he was scary. He even twirled whenever he was happy, just like a little fairy. Everything he did and stood for was endearing to Minhyun.

Happiness personified; love in one little person. That’s what Dongho was.

However in love Minhyun was with Dongho, he had to admit sooner or later that the two were better off as friends. He didn’t mind much— it was enough for him to relay his feelings and have Dongho by his side. He never really expected for the two of them to be much more after all.

It made for funny situations, like the time Jeonghan got so confused as to whether the two were going out or not that he tripped over himself three times in the process of asking them. They weren’t, much to Jeonghan’s chagrin since he had a bet with Seungcheol and Joshua and subsequently lost. Fortunately nothing else was lost: Dongho and Minhyun remained good friends well through their youth and adulthood, and their love for each other (though no longer romantic) waxed strong through the years.

Minhyun took much longer to fall in love with someone after Dongho, but when he did, he knew that they were the one for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, like the other two, was based directly off of my own experiences last year with my third crush lol. We're still best friends (along with the other three in our small friend group represented by SVT's 95 line)~ I didn't give my friend a letter until March just before the first worldwide lockdown but I still realized my feelings on February. As for the kiss in the classroom, I just decided to upgrade what was originally a kiss to the cheek (which I totally missed the first time because I thought she was going in for a hug), to a short kiss on the lips. She dragged me all the way up to our classroom on the second floor just to run away from me the second after like BITCH.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and look out for the last chapter of this fic (which will come some time later rip).

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my [ twitter account ](https://twitter.com/nuestlovebot)! Maybe drop me a comment or a kudos? Thanks!


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